For Kids Like Us

people like us-
people that never
had
a family.
When we find something that
might be a family
we adhere to it
in fear.
We don’t understand
we can be loved
for who we are.
Our nervous systems don’t function that way.
That we can just be ourselves.
And people will love us.

Now.
They are asking us for ourselves
we want to be ourselves
we don’t know how to
believe you.

used to relationships that are-
extractive. and…
fragile.
So fragile.
to lose trust in what the relationship
actually is.

Now.
I see that you love me.
You want me to be myself.
I just can’t really understand-
I cannot stop-
fear.
Fear that it’s not true.
That love can be that easy.
That I don’t have to pretend
to be someone else to make you love me.

Be in love.
I don’t mean IN LOVE
like they fucking say but-
feeling love. feeling it.
New.
Scary.

For kids like us.
What are they trying to get out of me?
We look for excuses to try to get out of it.
in them, or in ourselves.
run and hide

We remember
the pain of trying to be ourselves.
Kids like us.
finding out that that’s not enough.
That’s not what they love-
They don’t love us.
They love the story of who we are supposed to be
for them.
And we have been that, for them, for a long time.

That’s the worst pain we’ve ever felt,
maybe.
So please.
When you ask me to love you-
to trust you.
Tread lightly.
Understand what you are asking of me.