Tight Ass

I have held my glutes squeezed 
all the time 
for years now
for fear of being weak
or looking weak. 
Sometimes I allow myself to release
my tight ass
and it doesn't hurt to stand still 
as much anymore
and my hips dont hurt
as much anymore 
and my back feels less fragile
and it allows me to unclench my jaw,
notice my feet on the ground
surrender my shoulders
relax the tension behind my eyes 
have real exhales.
But sometimes 
I notice my tension,
And it feels normal. 
And relaxing feels like so much work.
Letting go 
feels exhausting
sometimes I just have to give myself 
a break
and just stay
in tension.