on existence

Day 7 of 10
I watched an ant on break for about 40 minutes.
I talked to him softly so no one would hear me
It was nice to hear my own voice
The ant didn’t seem to notice
I told him I wouldn’t hurt him intentionally
but I have said that before.
we tend to affect everyone we come into contact with,
don’t we?

Day 1 of 10
we walk around and look down
at our feet, or
up to the sky
we aren’t allowed eye contact-
acknowledging other’s existence.
we are supposed to feel alone.

What if?-
a poem that exists is never written
The poem part-
ink on paper, I mean-
it makes more permanent-
the feeling.
As if existence must be seen.

I wrote this on a napkin
with a pen
i stole from the registration desk, where
we had to surrender
our notebooks, reading materials, phones-
anything that made the happenings in our head
exist

On day 4 of 10
during meditation
I pretended to type my thoughts on a keyboard
like I am doing now
telling them to whomever wanted to believe in me.
Pretending I was talking to someone
grounded me in a reality-
I’m just not sure of which.
I thought of the multiverse theory
how, somewhere, in another world,
someone is reading the things I tap
gently into my shins.
”Dear Universe-” I started
laughing when I remember I am the universe
and I am back to where I started-
talking to myself-
I guess that’s all anyone is ever doing.

On day 9 or 10
I went “cling, cling, cling” on my tea cup,
with my spoon, and someone,
on the other side of the curtain went
”cling, cling, cling” with their tea cup and spoon.
and I went “cling, cling, cling” again
and they went “cling, cling, cling” again
and it was the most beautiful song we made.
You hear me.
You see me.
We exist.

I was starting to question.

What then,
is the “look, look, look!”
feeling, like a child
when the sun hits the yellow November leaves
or there is a blue bird?

Day 5 of 10
We stood in silence to celebrate the glowing yellow clouds
in front of the brilliant orange moon while
we felt alone.
The moon fiddles about in silence.
She doesn’t seem to care if
my poem, about her,
exists.

Day 10 of 10
we make friends with pebbles,
and sticks and fairytales
to avoid making friends with ourselves.
We’ve made little alters.
We placed sticks and rubble,
leaves, and feathers on flat surfaces-
tree stumps and rocks.
I walk by, I add something beautiful.